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Planning King Joffrey’s Bachelor Festival

From : Sandore Clegane <>

To: Knights of the Kingsguard <>

Subject: The King’s Bachelor Festival

To my fellow members of the Kingsguard.  King Joffrey has appointed me as royal planner for his majesty’s Bachelor Festival.  Now his majesty has made some requests.  He wants a royal suite, access to any and all weapons on premises, sheets with over 300 thread count, 24 hour room service, oak spikes on site, sealed copy of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip on DVD, and he doesn’t want to put down a deposit.  That means we are basically down to three choices; Dorne, Highgarden, or Las Vegas.

Dorne is great because I got a guy there who promises to outfit one of the walls with all manner of whips, chains, and paddles.  Could be a great time.  Also would be nice to get some sun even though King Joffrey feels the sun often disrespects him by setting.  Highgarden is only on the list because we had such a great time at Ser Boros’s shindig.  The whole Highgarden boardwalk is so three winters ago.  Which leaves us with Las Vegas.  The downside is that they won’t recognize Joffrey’s royal banner.  According to the concierge I spoke with at the Borgota “everyone is royalty here”.  But we can get tickets to the new Cirque show La Brutalité.  Jugglers hanging by hooks, and a contortionist who whips her own rear.  All right up our alley.

Please send me your votes for the party.  Before it even gets started King Joffrey has already said we will not be playing any ale pong. He finds it tedious.  Also would prefer if the room had some sort of drain in the bathroom.  Makes for easier cleanup.  I also need you guys to help me out with the security deposit.  Should break down to about 100 gold coins to a man.

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Statement Required by Lord Baelish from the King’s Treasury  To the extent this message contains tax advice, the King’s Treasury Department requires us to inform you that any advice in this raven is not intended or written by our king to be used, and cannot be used by any member of court, for the purpose of avoiding any taxes that may be imposed under the decision of King Joffrey. Advice from our Lord relating to Westeros tax matters may not be used in promoting, farming or dueling with any entity, investment plan or arrangement to any taxpayer.

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